Hajar

I woke up, it was 5 o’clock in the morning, still dark, and though I could see a light coming from the other room.I think she couldn’t sleep as well.

I started thinking about what happened last night, it was aweful, and sad.I don’t know how she can stand that, her fifth miscarriage in a row.may Allah give her patience !

She was squeezing my hand, with tears in her eyes, I could feel her despair, & how much she wanted to have a baby.It’s motherhood,only a female knows best !

It’s almost 9 :30  now, lights are off,I’m glad she will finally have some rest , it was a rough night for both of us.

When she lost her second baby,she suggested that I marry another woman ,but I said no .I can’t imagine myself with someone else,and my heart only fits for her anyways,my sweet Hajar.

I don’t know if she will ever understand that it’s fine if we have no kids,she assumed that I’m upset about her losing pregnancy everytime,it’s true ,but I don’t blame her,I love her ,I love her so much !

I will never forget how we first met,she was with her family,in a shore camp ,I was there with my friends,& her mom used to offer us tea every once in a while.I was walking on the beach,digging the sand with my toes with every step I make,enjoying a soft breeze in that hot day,I heard a voice ,& it was her calling : Hey ! Hey you !! Hey !

I turned, ,she was waving her hands,standing away,I thought maybe she needed help,I went back running,when I got closer ,I saw her face,and just stopped & stared,she was talking but I couldn’t hear a thing ,it’s like I went deaf for a couple minutes.I asked myself : Is she real ?

My guess was right,she asked me if I can help her daddy with some heavy duty ,I happily approved,with a slight head gesture,I couldn’t say anything,speechless before her,just speechless.

The next day, I saw her again, playing with her little brother,I noticed her smile,and the kindness she had when hugging her little brother. ‘’My time is now,I must risk it to get the biscuit’’,that’s what I told myself when I realized that this particular girl is surely the one I want to gorw old with,was it early to tell ? I didn’t know, & I didn’t really care.I fell for her at first sight,it’s so hard to believe,but it was magical.

The day after,I decided I should talk to her father.Damn ! I was sweating like a pig,not confused though,because I knew what I wanted,but I couldn’t help being nervous,maybe I was afraid of refusal.Hopefully,everything went well,we got engaged.Such a blast !

The clock is ticking, I am late for work,I just can’t leave without making sure she’s going to be okay,I don’t mind skipping today,they can’t fire me anyways,I am the manager .

So my wife is still in bed, how can I make her feel better ? Make her breakfast ? Bring her flowers, maybe ? I got an idea,I’ll get her a pet,she told me once about her passion for pets ,but her father didn’t allow her to have one because her little borther was allergic .

I’ll go to a pet store & get a lovely kitten,that’s what I’ll do.I should check if she’s awake first.

I’m going upstairs,the ground feels so cold,even with my sandals on,I can’t hear her usual noise when folding the sheets,something is wrong !

I am at her door,knocking,no answer.she must be in the bathroom .

Hajar, are you there ?!

Maybe I should get in . . .

Hajar, is that you ? . . . What a tragedy !

Haj, Haj, Hajar ! wake up !! please wake up ! . . .

I woke up, it was 5 o’clock in the morning, what a bad dream ! Well,looking at the bright side,I wouldn’t miss Fajr prayer at Masjid.

I could see a light coming from the other room.I think she couldn’t sleep as well,I could imagine how happy she was when she gave birth to a beautiful girl four days ago.She named her Malak.

                                                                                                                                  #Oussama Hamama#
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